Bike Videos: From Fun to Gnarly – Tosh.0

Bike Videos: From Fun to Gnarly – Tosh.0


I guess living in India wasn’t risky enough. Lotta flip-flops. Let’s go Tom’s, get
these kids some of your cheap-ass shoes already. Maybe throw in a helmet. Do people really need
noses and lips? That’s what you get for playing
hooky from the call center. Jumping 8 kids in India is like
only 2 1/2 in America, with the current
obesity exchange rate. Try jumping eight people
with an illegal alien on your handlebars. You got one more in
the tank, E.T.? All right. You made me look like
an idiot, E.T. I’ve had it up to here with E.T. Tomorrow, I’m turning him
over to the government for medical testing. I don’t want to hear it, E.T.! I bet he was texting. Now, let’s watch the only race
in Utah besides Caucasian in this week’s Breakdown. Welcome to the Tour de Utah. It’s like France,
if fun were illegal. Comin’ in hot! That’s why I have a little
bell on my handlebars. And you ruined his suicide
or blocked him from taking an amazing shortcut. All those crappy crossover
vehicles, and you just had to crash into the $100,000
Porsche Panamera. Where’s Lance’s Clean Blood
Truck when you need it? [indistinct shouting]
Ah, yeah. They must not have accounted
for the fact that their legs are freshly shaven. Smart move for that motorcycle
to slip out while everyone’s focused on saving
those people’s lives. I had a disaster on a bike
once where I couldn’t get my spin shoes unclipped. Ah!>>No! Slow down!>>Don’t slow down! There’s a race to win. First place gets
a signed David Archuleta CD. We are in Mormon land, so this
might just be one family going on a bike ride,
and for that, we thank you. Technically, this next guy has as many Tour de France
titles as Lance Armstrong. [whispers]
Zero. That guy is huge. Yet he’ll still find a way
to take up a whole lane. He also has the world’s tiniest
case of testicular cancer. You know, I have
an even smaller bicycle, and it’s built for two. [festive music] Where was the bike?
Did you see it? I didn’t see it. This show isn’t even
trying anymore. Let’s find out why you
never try to out-grand the canyon. – Yeah!
– Wow! – Yeah!
– Whoo! – [shrieks]
– Oh, no! – You see what you’re forcing
us to do, black people? You’ve just shoved us
out of normal sports. and now we’re jumping
off mountains. By the way,
you get extra points if you go farther
than your bike. [bystanders groaning] I bet his scream
sounded majestic echoing off
the canyon walls. – Yeah!
– [shrieks] – Oh, my god!
Oh, god! – Never cheer until
there’s a safe landing, because now
you all look stupid. There’s no shame in bailing out
when things get dangerous. I do it all the time. So what do you do? Well, I haven’t booked anything
yet, but I’m an actress. – Oh. And that’s why I always
wear a helmet cam on a first date.

100 comments

  1. Jim Jefferies draws Muhammad and says if a dingo ate a Muslim baby it would vomit it up because it's so vile

  2. This is why grown ass men and women should stay off a childs toy. Get a motorcycle or just stay home. Trust me, everyone driving by you in their car is talking about how stupid you are.

  3. The last crash was from Red Bull Rampage, it's a free-riding mountain bike event in Utah, and I would highly recommend checking it out.

  4. Daniel talking about dude on the motorcycle at 2:10 and how lowkey he rolls out of there. And I'm all like what about the fucking tiny little car at like 1:10 that WITNESSED the whole God damn accident right? Lol that fuckin dude kinda slows down for just a second right? Hahahaha and then just takes the fuck off 😂😂😂😂

  5. hahaha
    bro
    call center joke
    hahah genious.
    man i wish i could one day catch your stand up live.
    ive seen your specials on youtube manytimes.
    freakin hell youre hilarious
    best wishes bro !!

  6. If you watch closely you can see a part of the bike (or the guy) fly at an immense rate of speed and almost hit two spectators wearing black on the side of the road, my fellow Youtuber.

  7. Fuck cyclist this piss the fuck out of me. Driving on the road way, where im forced to drive 25 mph in a 45 mile single lane.

  8. ATTN: Everyone who just comments a quote from the video we all just watched… You're all wastes of space and life without the ability to come up with something original.
    Drink Bleach!

  9. All of a sudden the usedless Ncient president is OUT of office and someone WITHOUT a child fetish with the x hamster is voted In.I GIVE UP.OTHERWISE.

  10. ET looks like my dick the morning after a one night stand. You know, those mornings you forget until your morning piss sprays back and to the left? Then you go “Oh yeah, I fucked that broad from the party last night, what was her name again?” I’m just playing – why would I know her name.
    I should probably start being more choosy what I stick my dick in.

  11. Imagine coming in to work one morning and your boss says "Go lay in the parking lot… ET and I are going to run over you with a moped."

  12. In reality that guy hitting that car saved his life. At that speed and these mountains out here your dead if you go off

  13. I used to work on the top of that mountain in the Utah clip. That road is the way up and down. Cars sometimes fly off the side and get stuck in the trees, but he would have either flown down or hit a tree base and die.

  14. Do those dumbasses on the bikes not know how to use the breaks or their feet to stop, or fucking turn to avoid crashing? haha wtf? And the one guy that hit the car first, that was the best outcome cause he would have flew off the cliff and taken some of the people with him.

  15. At 2:17 you see at the very bottom a bike perfectly avoid being hit without a person on it and perfectly park…you're welcome

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